"The Ugly Truth"

Wow, this movie was awful. Don't see it, don't think about seeing it. Don't waste your time. It's not bad b/c it's a chick flick and I'm trying to be some tough dude. It's bad b/c it's BAD. The jokes are stupid, the writing is terrible. When it was over, I told my wife that I hated it. She replied, "I didn't think it was THAT bad." - translation: "Though I didn't hate it, it was certainly no 'Hannah Montanta: The Movie.'" I rest my case.

Gerard Butler: You're better than that

"The Taking of Pelham 123"

Hmmm....what to say about this movie, what to say? Well, it wasn't bad. It wasn't great. When Netflix asks for my review of it, I'll give it 3 stars and move on. There is ONE thing I'll take from this movie...it will be how weird it was to hear John Travolta say "motha f..." I know this seems irrelevant to the movie, the plot, and all that other movie jargon, but I'm telling you that Travolta steals the show with his weird, spastic way of swearing through a subway radio. I've never seen or heard anything like it. I know Travolta is playing a psychotic extortionist, but still, that doesn't excuse anything. It's like he's trying to drop an F bomb while holding in a hick-up all at the same time. It's quite remarkable, actually. I don't think I could do it if I tried.

I hate to harp on casting again, but why put a gun in Danny Zuko's hand when you have Denzel Washington RIGHT THERE. Denzel can play any character any way he wants. He's an incredible actor. But he is especially good at the villain (i.e. "Training Day"). The whole thing just seemed backwards. I would have made Travolta the good guy and Washington the bad guy.

The backwards casting isn't enough to ruin the movie. It had it's moments. Again, I'd give it a 3 out of 5. It's a good action/thriller but not one where I'd run out and recommend it to everyone I saw.

"G.I.Joe: Rise of Cobra"

Ugh. Why? Why? Why were Channing Tatum AND Damon Wayans in this movie???? WHY?????? Yes, the writing was terrible and the plot was a disaster, but the casting of this movie put it over the top. It went from bad to just plain awful. They even threw in Brendan Frasier....BRENDAN FREAKING FRASIER for some weird chameo. Listen, I understand casting leading men who are easy on the eyes (many an expert has said I am in that category) but it'd be nice if they knew how to act as well. There were several scenes where I thought I could see Tatum reading off a cue card, like he was hosting SNL. I'm convinced that the casting director had some side bets w/ his buddies that he could get 5 of the worst actors in Hollywood cast in a major summer "blockbuster." He did well with Tatum and Wayand (which just confuses the crap outta me) but his crowning achievement was Brendan Frasier. There is not a worse actor in Hollywood than Frasier, and that includes Matthew McConaughey (see my "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" review) and every other two-bit hack who's dreaming of their big break while scrubbing toilets at TGIFriday's. I went on "The Mummy", a roller coaster at Universal Studios in Orlando. The ride was great, but at the end, there was an outro video w/ Brendan Frasier. The video completely ruined the ride for me. I got nautious, broke out in hives. It was terrible.

Congradulations G.I.Joe movie...you have RUINED my childhood. I hate you (you too Frasier).

"Zombieland"

Woody Harrelson is my hero. I'm not going to talk about the movie, the direction, the plot, whatever. It's a movie about zombies. It's not a movie that tries to make a statement - thank God. It's an hour and 25 minutes of fun. There's no point in disecting a movie like this. It opens with Metallica and shows you how to use a banjo as a weapon. All I'm going to say is that it's worth seeing just for Woody Harrleson. I don't know why he isn't in more movies, but I do know who I'm going to be for Halloween. According to his biography on www.IMDB.com , Woody is a vegan, an admitted sex addict, and was one time married to Neil Diamond's daughter. Oh, and his middle name's Tracy. Awesome. So he starred in "The Cowboy Way"- who gives a crap. Mr. Harrelson is my hero. I think some other people are "Zombieland" too.

Go see zombieland. It's original, not too long, and smart enough to make fun of itself. It's up there with "Star Trek" and "Inglorious Bastards" as the best movies of the year.

It is an R rated movie and deserves it. The violence is a bit graphic and the language is every bit an R rating.

"Ghosts of Girlfriends Past"

Matthew McConaughey sucks

"Observe and Report"

The Seth Rogan comedy "Observe and Report" is not worth your time. Seth Rogan plays a bi-polar mall security guard looking to solve the crime of a mystery "flasher." The R-rated movie uses every opportunity to uphold it's rating. Seth Rogan is exactly what you'd think he'd be while playing a mall security guard. The first 20 minutes might make you think the movie is going to be funny, but after that, every joke repeats itself.

The highlights of this movie are Rogan's mall security cohorts. Matt Yuan and John Yuan almost steal the movie with their performances. Is it worth seeing the movie for, though? No. Aziz Ansari has a cameo, which should have been much longer. I'm starting to think that everything this guy does is funny. Even with these 3 providing some funny moments, the movie falls short. The writing was leaning on Rogan and Anna Farris too much - but the comedic duo was not able to save this movie.

Overall, I'd say don't bother watching this. What we can learn from this movie and "Paul Blart" is that you have to do more than just put a bumbling idiot in a mall security guard outfit in order for a movie to be funny.

I'm glad Rogan put out "Funny People." Though I haven't seen it yet, I'm sure he redeemed himself with it.

"Bandits"

I don't have much time, so I'll make this a quick one. If you're in the mood for a dry humor / bank robbing movie, check out "Bandits" starring Bruce Willis and Billy Bob Thornton. It's a 2001 release, so if you haven't heard of it, that's probably why. Bruce Willis plays a solid character but Billy Bob steals the show. The two are an odd couple who, after robbing a few banks, find celebrity and infamy in their theft. Willis plays his typical tough guy character, but Billy Bob (looking really skinny in this movie. Might've been when he was battling his eating disorder) plays a hilarious hypochondriac. If you like Wes Anderson movies, then I think you will also like "Bandits."

If I had to knock it, I'd say it might be about 20 minutes too long, but even that might be a stretch.