"Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen"

Spoiler Alert: I can't do a review of this movie w/out giving some things away....So here we go...

DANG IT! This movie let me down so much that I could almost cry. I had HUGE expectations going into this movie; 1. Because "Transformers" is one of my favorite movies of all time and 2. because all the hype leading up to it was all positive. So when I finally saw the whole movie, I couldn't help but be disappointed.

Here's the breakdown: The transformer fight scenes were great. They looked more human-esque in how they died. Optimus Prime is way cooler in this movie than in the 1st. Starscream's character was well done. That's about all the positives I have to say. The writing was absolutely terrible. For some reason they decided to try and make this movie more of a comedy. The jokes were vulgar, simple, and way too frequent. How many times can you show dogs humping? I think T2 showed it 4 times. There are two twin autobots in the movie that play a major role. They almost ruined the movie all on their own - their jokes are stupid and so are their characters. The parents were in it way too much. They tried to make the mom a comic relief, but again, she was more annoying than anything else. Towards the end of the movie, the parents play a role in the story and it's completely pointless.

There's not much to say about this movie that hasn't already been said by critics. The movie was rushed to be made and it felt like that. The movie was way too long - 2 1/2 hours. It's a movie that should be made for 10 year olds that adults can enjoy and it never felt that way. If I had a child under 13, I wouldn't want them to see it.

The worst offense of all...they stole a line straight out of Star Wars. There is no greater offense. When Fallen said it, I literally got angry.

Overall, I'd give this movie a C-. But b/c I'm a huge nerd, I will probably buy it the day it comes out on DVD. What's wrong w/ me?

"Paul Blart" - Rewrite

After considering my blog, talking to friends, and re-watching a part of "Paul Blart," I felt compelled to re-write a review of this movie. In my first review of it (which I kept on my blog), I tried to find the positives. However, I've realized that diplomacy, when it comes to movie reviews, is for the birds. "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" is a terrible movie. At best, it should have been released in a straight to DVD format. Kevin James does his best to salvage an otherwise terrible movie with some attempts at physical comedy, but falls short. The casting is bizarre. They cast Keir O'Donnell, better known as the "creepy" brother from "Wedding Chrashers" as the villain. Rick Thorne, who is a professional BMX rider - not an actor, was also cast as one of O'Donnell's cronies.

If I had to say one word about this movie, I'd say it's amateur. I wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone. I hope Kevin James rebounds. I am a big fan of his. He needs to forget about this one and just move on.

"Defiance"

Who's it for: those looking for a more serious movie. Movies like "Glory" and "Saving Private Ryan" would be of similar interest. Don't watch this movie for its lighter moments - there are none.

Did I like it: Yes I did. For those that don't know, "Defiance" is a movie about 3 brothers who are trying to hide themselves and other hundreds of Jews from the Nazi regime in the Belarusian Forests. It stars Daniel Craig, who I'm becoming a fan of, mostly due to "Layer Cake" and despite his roles as James Bond. I liked this movie for it's depiction of the story, the actors portrayals, and the Religious undertones that were in the very script of the movie. One thing that annoyed me was that Liev Schreiber played almost the same role as he did as Sabertooth in "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" short of fangs, long fingernails, and incredible leaping ability. It certainly doesn't ruin the movie, but if you've seen "Wolverine," it might make you smirk a little bit.

This movie is for the more serious movie watcher. Don't rent "Defiance" if you're looking to kill an hour and a half b/c there's nothing on TV.

"Up"

Who it's for: everyone

Why I like it: I'm a huge fan of Disney/Pixar. I don't remember a movie that they've put out that I didn't enjoy ("Monsters Inc", "Finding Nemo", "The Incredibles", "Cars" etc). "Up" is no exception. The story is incredibly creative, the animation is, of course, amazing, and the humor is awesome.I love movies where the best jokes are in the background, the 1-liners you have to listen for. "Up" has plenty of these. This movie IS for everyone. If you're one of those people that can't admit when a "children's" movie is good, then you probably also didn't cry during "Simon Birch" which therefore means I don't want any part of you. Go see "Up." And if you're looking to show off for your wife like I did then see it in 3D - it was cool. Get there early too so you can see the 6 minute short film that precedes the movie.

movie side note: if you're a fan of nostrils, DON'T see this movie. Apparently all the people of "Up" breath through their mouths b/c the noses are sans nostrils. Noses without nostrils opens up an interesting debate. The other day I was at a friends house where he had fed his dog wet food that morning (the dog normally has dry food). To keep things from getting too crass, let's just say the new diet was not agreeing w/ the k9. I would've gladly gone w/out nostrils that day.
However, now my pretty wife is baking brownies - my favorite dessert, and it smells delicious.
Then again, I've played ultimate frisbee w/ a Polish lad who didn't wear deodorant - not good.
But...I've also driven down Penman Road and smelled the air that brings me back to when I was 8-years-old and headed to the soccer fields.
It's a tough one. For me, give me the nostrils. I'll smell dog toots and Polish B.O. any day as long as I get those great smells as well. I'll leave the debate up to you.