"The Ugly Truth"

Wow, this movie was awful. Don't see it, don't think about seeing it. Don't waste your time. It's not bad b/c it's a chick flick and I'm trying to be some tough dude. It's bad b/c it's BAD. The jokes are stupid, the writing is terrible. When it was over, I told my wife that I hated it. She replied, "I didn't think it was THAT bad." - translation: "Though I didn't hate it, it was certainly no 'Hannah Montanta: The Movie.'" I rest my case.

Gerard Butler: You're better than that

"The Taking of Pelham 123"

Hmmm....what to say about this movie, what to say? Well, it wasn't bad. It wasn't great. When Netflix asks for my review of it, I'll give it 3 stars and move on. There is ONE thing I'll take from this movie...it will be how weird it was to hear John Travolta say "motha f..." I know this seems irrelevant to the movie, the plot, and all that other movie jargon, but I'm telling you that Travolta steals the show with his weird, spastic way of swearing through a subway radio. I've never seen or heard anything like it. I know Travolta is playing a psychotic extortionist, but still, that doesn't excuse anything. It's like he's trying to drop an F bomb while holding in a hick-up all at the same time. It's quite remarkable, actually. I don't think I could do it if I tried.

I hate to harp on casting again, but why put a gun in Danny Zuko's hand when you have Denzel Washington RIGHT THERE. Denzel can play any character any way he wants. He's an incredible actor. But he is especially good at the villain (i.e. "Training Day"). The whole thing just seemed backwards. I would have made Travolta the good guy and Washington the bad guy.

The backwards casting isn't enough to ruin the movie. It had it's moments. Again, I'd give it a 3 out of 5. It's a good action/thriller but not one where I'd run out and recommend it to everyone I saw.

"G.I.Joe: Rise of Cobra"

Ugh. Why? Why? Why were Channing Tatum AND Damon Wayans in this movie???? WHY?????? Yes, the writing was terrible and the plot was a disaster, but the casting of this movie put it over the top. It went from bad to just plain awful. They even threw in Brendan Frasier....BRENDAN FREAKING FRASIER for some weird chameo. Listen, I understand casting leading men who are easy on the eyes (many an expert has said I am in that category) but it'd be nice if they knew how to act as well. There were several scenes where I thought I could see Tatum reading off a cue card, like he was hosting SNL. I'm convinced that the casting director had some side bets w/ his buddies that he could get 5 of the worst actors in Hollywood cast in a major summer "blockbuster." He did well with Tatum and Wayand (which just confuses the crap outta me) but his crowning achievement was Brendan Frasier. There is not a worse actor in Hollywood than Frasier, and that includes Matthew McConaughey (see my "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" review) and every other two-bit hack who's dreaming of their big break while scrubbing toilets at TGIFriday's. I went on "The Mummy", a roller coaster at Universal Studios in Orlando. The ride was great, but at the end, there was an outro video w/ Brendan Frasier. The video completely ruined the ride for me. I got nautious, broke out in hives. It was terrible.

Congradulations G.I.Joe movie...you have RUINED my childhood. I hate you (you too Frasier).